I was having a talk with a friend of mine on yesterday and I found out that she actually reads this blog
which was surprising to me! Ha ha! 
She spoke about my previous post where I shared about my experience of 2017 so far. She said it's funny that you always think you're the only one going through something and then somebody else has the exact same experience. We got into a conversation about things we all do but convince ourselves that we’re the only ones.
Particularly, those moments of regret. The things you said or did years and years ago, now suddenly pop up into your head to catch you off guard. Reminding you of how you fell short of good character.

This is something I will admit to struggling with. I am extremely hard on myself. Sometimes over things which I know are ridiculous but there I am at 2 am, 8 am or in the shower. Suddenly reminded of every shameful, mean or cringe-inducing thing I ever did or said. Repeatedly asking myself the age old question: Why? 
Why did I do/ say that? What was I thinking? The fact is, you will never be able to answer those questions to your own satisfaction because it is in the past. There is NOTHING you can do to change the past! You can sometimes amend it but you can’t reverse the thing you did or said. 
Most of the time, you’re the only one who remembers it! No one is thinking of you as much as you’re thinking of yourself! Yet we still do it. At times, I have been so tortured that I have to fight the urge to send a Facebook message to anyone I ever offended lol! 
Then I remind myself that it was about 15 years ago and no one else is thinking about it! 
So what’s the answer? 
Let it go! 
There is a strength that comes from the ability to let things go. There’s an even greater strength which comes from an ability to let go, forgive yourself and then learn from the things you regret.

The fact is, if you were the same person you were when you did or said that thing you regret- it wouldn’t hurt so much. The reason you are so gutted by your actions is because you fell short of the person you know you really are. This knowledge should actually encourage us. Indicating that we have become better human beings then we were at one point, and we are on our way to better character. 
When we learn to have some grace for ourselves. We can then learn to extend that grace to others. Realising that we’re all human. We all mess up sometimes but thank God, we can all do and be better!

Thanks for reading! Comment below and tell me if you can relate to anything I said in this post...


Self portrait from Red Blooded Woman